So the other night....

When I was at this salsa club with a friend, we were receiving a lot of attention from the guys there.  For me, most attention is unwelcomed. The friendly dance is okay but I’m so good with my boyfriend and not looking for anything else. Spanish guys at clubs are very similar to guys in American clubs aka very aggressive and most of the time disgusting.

At this particular club, there were a few guys that we were dancing with here and there. A lot of guys would approach me and ask me either where I was from or if I was Dominican. Right after confirming that I was a Latina they wanted to dance. One guy in particular asked me if I was from Punta Cana and he specifically said "When I say Punta Cana, I mean the Dominican Republic." It made me feel like he was comodifying the Dominican Republic. Punta Cana is one of the biggest areas where there are resorts and beaches. It made me feel like that's all I or my island amounted to in his opinion. He was kept saying "I love your island, I love Punta Cana." Really? You love my island? Do you even know my island other than what you've seen from the beaches you went to when you traveled straight from the airport to the resort? Do you even know the people, what life is like there, our culture? He was defining me and all other Dominicans in the way that he wanted to.
 After dancing for a little bit, when my friend and I were taking a break, this guy came up behind me and started saying things in my ear, one of which being “I brought the condom…” I immediately pushed him away and told him that he couldn’t talk to me like that. My friend and I talked about it really quick but I was still in shock that he said that. That he thought that was okay. I feel super sexualized wherever I go no matter what I’m wearing. It shouldn’t matter. I should feel comfortable wearing and being where I want to be but that’s clearly not the world we live in…
It has made wanting to go out here really difficult. Sometimes I just want to just sit by myself and read or surf the internet or talk to my friends at home that understand...

Staring and Prostitution in Spain

There is a pretty big “staring culture” in Spain. You know when you’re looking at someone and they notice that you’re looking at them and IMMEDIATELY you dart your eyes away, maybe adjust your sitting position, or fix your hair or something? You do anything to make it seem like you weren’t just looking at that person (unless of course, you’re trying to get it, and then maybe you’ll send a flirty wink or smile their way…). In Spain, it is the norm to stare people down wherever you are: walking down the street, on the bus, buying clothes in a store, anywhere.

This was one of the biggest culture shocks that I experienced when I came here.  I definitely wasn’t used to everyone staring at me everywhere I went. I did notice a significant difference in the way Spaniards would stare at me versus my white counterparts. I feel like the white students that I am friends with are also being stared at but it’s more of an “I’m staring at you because I am checking you out as a person” kind of stare. When people look at me it’s very different. Old women see me as a woman of color, someone that is worth very little to them, and I can tell by the way that they are looking at me that they don’t value me. Men constantly stare and catcall and try to get my attention with words and looks that embody the sexual value that is placed on many women of color within Spanish society. Either way, it’s very uncomfortable.

Some men even take that extra step and walk up to me, assuming that I am a prostitute, and offer me money or ask me to accompany them somewhere. Prostitution is legal in Spain and many of the women that are associated by society as prostitutes are women of color. The fact that these men feel privileged enough to comfortably walk up to me and say these things is infuriating; however, I know that this not these men who are “sick” they are products of the society that they live in. They have been socialized to value women who look like me in a very specific way.

 I voiced these opinions and concerns to one of the white women in my study abroad program in a meeting with her and the president of an anti-racist organization in Madrid. The president, a white and heterosexual man, kept emphasizing that I “shouldn’t let these stupid men get to me” and that it looked like these incidents were really getting to my self-esteem but that I needed to brush it off. He emphasized that the racial climate would be better in the future when more people have friends of other races and ethnicities. This is problematic for two reasons. First, this puts the burden on individuals of color to be educating and fighting racism (while simultaneously combating internalized racism). Second, this goes back to the "I have a Black friend..." mentality where white people still reproduce racist ideology that is justified by their relationships with people of color. It's frustrating that I am more well-versed on this topic and the president of a so-called anti-racist organization doesn't even know what he's talking about. It's also hard having these conversations in Spanish. All of the critical race theory, all of the concepts, all of the articles that I've read and the terms I know are in English. I was stuck in this meeting trying to explain my points and justify my position to people who were supposed to be supportive. 

The director of my study abroad program was much more supportive and receptive when I spoke with her. Unfortunately she's been traveling for the past few days and will be traveling for the next few weeks. I don't feel like I have the same support in Spain as I do at home where I have my family, professors, and friends backing me. I've been thinking about leaving early. I already changed my flight to May 5th to leave after the program classes are over but I've been talking to the director about leaving even earlier and just finishing classes at home. That's looking REAL good right now....

Some thoughts on Spain...

Upon my arrival to Spain, I noticed a lot of differences from both the United States and Latin America.  Up until that point in time, the only two countries that I really had a handle on were the United States and the Dominican Republic. I was born in Boston to Dominican parents that were determined to raise me bi-culturally. Every summer, I was sent to the Dominican Republic to practice my Spanish, bond with my family, and enjoy the country. The rest of the year was spent blending my Dominican and American identities, learning how to navigate both political and social systems, and trying to fit in.

In my mind, Spain was supposed to be almost a combination of the two of these places. First, the Dominican Republic because this Caribbean country has obvious forced roots to Spain through the violent colonization and heavy influence Spain had on the Dominican Republic as well as other Latin American countries. I expected Spain to be much like the United States because of its economic and social power. I was both right and wrong. Spain very recently moved from Francisco Franco’s dictatorship in 1975, creating its current constitution in 1978. Franco’s political and social oppression maintained a very homogenous state, as he silenced any idea or movement that deviated from his agenda. In the years after the dictatorship, Spain has experienced economic successes, especially with its position in the European Union, but is also currently affected by the economic crisis hitting many countries.

Socially, Spain is still very homogenous. There are more and more LGBT groups being established and supported and in 2005, same-sex marriage was legalized. This is indicative of some progress, however, it is important to examine the ways in which LGBT issues and rights are engaged in the public and private spheres including the media, schools, and government policies.  I think this is very similar to the United States where there is still a very long road to travel before equality, in terms of sexuality, is reached. This is beyond same-sex marriage and “appeasing” certain populations. This is talking about reaching a place where there is real social, political, and economic equality.

The same can be said for the racial climate in Spain. Immigration began in the 1990s, where, like in the US, many of the immigrants went to Spain as workers and became stereotyped as such. The hyper-visible immigrants in Spain are of color and generally from Latin America and Northern Africa. It is important to realize that there is also a lot of immigration from other parts of Europe, the UK, and Ireland but since these immigrants blend more easily into the dominant population they are not as problematized as immigrants and people of color are.

People of color in Spain make up about 12% of the population. It is difficult to find data on people of color because Spain collects information based on country of origin but not in respect to racial/ethnic identity. There are many controlling images circulating around people of color and there is a lot of animosity towards these immigrant groups. Women of color that have darker skin are very hyper-sexualized and deemed prostitutes where as Asian women are also hyper-sexualized but in a way that puts them on this “sexual pedestal.” Men of color are criminalized and demonized and heavily surveilled by the state, especially the police. This is very similar to the way that racism functions within the United States. The biggest difference is that Spain is much more public and open about its racist views and practices where as the United States has made it a point to privatize and invisiblize racism.

It is perfectly acceptable for someone to make a blatantly racist comment in Spain and it will generally go unchallenged. It is more common in the United States for these racist comments to be addressed or these comments are privatized and will not be made in front of people of color. It has definitely been very interesting to see the different ways in which racism has been exhibited both towards me and in my presence. This has created a very hostile environment for me personally and on a social level between Spaniards and those who have been labeled “others” racially, and as aforementioned, through sexual orientation and gender.