Staring and Prostitution in Spain

There is a pretty big “staring culture” in Spain. You know when you’re looking at someone and they notice that you’re looking at them and IMMEDIATELY you dart your eyes away, maybe adjust your sitting position, or fix your hair or something? You do anything to make it seem like you weren’t just looking at that person (unless of course, you’re trying to get it, and then maybe you’ll send a flirty wink or smile their way…). In Spain, it is the norm to stare people down wherever you are: walking down the street, on the bus, buying clothes in a store, anywhere.

This was one of the biggest culture shocks that I experienced when I came here.  I definitely wasn’t used to everyone staring at me everywhere I went. I did notice a significant difference in the way Spaniards would stare at me versus my white counterparts. I feel like the white students that I am friends with are also being stared at but it’s more of an “I’m staring at you because I am checking you out as a person” kind of stare. When people look at me it’s very different. Old women see me as a woman of color, someone that is worth very little to them, and I can tell by the way that they are looking at me that they don’t value me. Men constantly stare and catcall and try to get my attention with words and looks that embody the sexual value that is placed on many women of color within Spanish society. Either way, it’s very uncomfortable.

Some men even take that extra step and walk up to me, assuming that I am a prostitute, and offer me money or ask me to accompany them somewhere. Prostitution is legal in Spain and many of the women that are associated by society as prostitutes are women of color. The fact that these men feel privileged enough to comfortably walk up to me and say these things is infuriating; however, I know that this not these men who are “sick” they are products of the society that they live in. They have been socialized to value women who look like me in a very specific way.

 I voiced these opinions and concerns to one of the white women in my study abroad program in a meeting with her and the president of an anti-racist organization in Madrid. The president, a white and heterosexual man, kept emphasizing that I “shouldn’t let these stupid men get to me” and that it looked like these incidents were really getting to my self-esteem but that I needed to brush it off. He emphasized that the racial climate would be better in the future when more people have friends of other races and ethnicities. This is problematic for two reasons. First, this puts the burden on individuals of color to be educating and fighting racism (while simultaneously combating internalized racism). Second, this goes back to the "I have a Black friend..." mentality where white people still reproduce racist ideology that is justified by their relationships with people of color. It's frustrating that I am more well-versed on this topic and the president of a so-called anti-racist organization doesn't even know what he's talking about. It's also hard having these conversations in Spanish. All of the critical race theory, all of the concepts, all of the articles that I've read and the terms I know are in English. I was stuck in this meeting trying to explain my points and justify my position to people who were supposed to be supportive. 

The director of my study abroad program was much more supportive and receptive when I spoke with her. Unfortunately she's been traveling for the past few days and will be traveling for the next few weeks. I don't feel like I have the same support in Spain as I do at home where I have my family, professors, and friends backing me. I've been thinking about leaving early. I already changed my flight to May 5th to leave after the program classes are over but I've been talking to the director about leaving even earlier and just finishing classes at home. That's looking REAL good right now....