So the other night....

When I was at this salsa club with a friend, we were receiving a lot of attention from the guys there.  For me, most attention is unwelcomed. The friendly dance is okay but I’m so good with my boyfriend and not looking for anything else. Spanish guys at clubs are very similar to guys in American clubs aka very aggressive and most of the time disgusting.

At this particular club, there were a few guys that we were dancing with here and there. A lot of guys would approach me and ask me either where I was from or if I was Dominican. Right after confirming that I was a Latina they wanted to dance. One guy in particular asked me if I was from Punta Cana and he specifically said "When I say Punta Cana, I mean the Dominican Republic." It made me feel like he was comodifying the Dominican Republic. Punta Cana is one of the biggest areas where there are resorts and beaches. It made me feel like that's all I or my island amounted to in his opinion. He was kept saying "I love your island, I love Punta Cana." Really? You love my island? Do you even know my island other than what you've seen from the beaches you went to when you traveled straight from the airport to the resort? Do you even know the people, what life is like there, our culture? He was defining me and all other Dominicans in the way that he wanted to.
 After dancing for a little bit, when my friend and I were taking a break, this guy came up behind me and started saying things in my ear, one of which being “I brought the condom…” I immediately pushed him away and told him that he couldn’t talk to me like that. My friend and I talked about it really quick but I was still in shock that he said that. That he thought that was okay. I feel super sexualized wherever I go no matter what I’m wearing. It shouldn’t matter. I should feel comfortable wearing and being where I want to be but that’s clearly not the world we live in…
It has made wanting to go out here really difficult. Sometimes I just want to just sit by myself and read or surf the internet or talk to my friends at home that understand...

Staring and Prostitution in Spain

There is a pretty big “staring culture” in Spain. You know when you’re looking at someone and they notice that you’re looking at them and IMMEDIATELY you dart your eyes away, maybe adjust your sitting position, or fix your hair or something? You do anything to make it seem like you weren’t just looking at that person (unless of course, you’re trying to get it, and then maybe you’ll send a flirty wink or smile their way…). In Spain, it is the norm to stare people down wherever you are: walking down the street, on the bus, buying clothes in a store, anywhere.

This was one of the biggest culture shocks that I experienced when I came here.  I definitely wasn’t used to everyone staring at me everywhere I went. I did notice a significant difference in the way Spaniards would stare at me versus my white counterparts. I feel like the white students that I am friends with are also being stared at but it’s more of an “I’m staring at you because I am checking you out as a person” kind of stare. When people look at me it’s very different. Old women see me as a woman of color, someone that is worth very little to them, and I can tell by the way that they are looking at me that they don’t value me. Men constantly stare and catcall and try to get my attention with words and looks that embody the sexual value that is placed on many women of color within Spanish society. Either way, it’s very uncomfortable.

Some men even take that extra step and walk up to me, assuming that I am a prostitute, and offer me money or ask me to accompany them somewhere. Prostitution is legal in Spain and many of the women that are associated by society as prostitutes are women of color. The fact that these men feel privileged enough to comfortably walk up to me and say these things is infuriating; however, I know that this not these men who are “sick” they are products of the society that they live in. They have been socialized to value women who look like me in a very specific way.

 I voiced these opinions and concerns to one of the white women in my study abroad program in a meeting with her and the president of an anti-racist organization in Madrid. The president, a white and heterosexual man, kept emphasizing that I “shouldn’t let these stupid men get to me” and that it looked like these incidents were really getting to my self-esteem but that I needed to brush it off. He emphasized that the racial climate would be better in the future when more people have friends of other races and ethnicities. This is problematic for two reasons. First, this puts the burden on individuals of color to be educating and fighting racism (while simultaneously combating internalized racism). Second, this goes back to the "I have a Black friend..." mentality where white people still reproduce racist ideology that is justified by their relationships with people of color. It's frustrating that I am more well-versed on this topic and the president of a so-called anti-racist organization doesn't even know what he's talking about. It's also hard having these conversations in Spanish. All of the critical race theory, all of the concepts, all of the articles that I've read and the terms I know are in English. I was stuck in this meeting trying to explain my points and justify my position to people who were supposed to be supportive. 

The director of my study abroad program was much more supportive and receptive when I spoke with her. Unfortunately she's been traveling for the past few days and will be traveling for the next few weeks. I don't feel like I have the same support in Spain as I do at home where I have my family, professors, and friends backing me. I've been thinking about leaving early. I already changed my flight to May 5th to leave after the program classes are over but I've been talking to the director about leaving even earlier and just finishing classes at home. That's looking REAL good right now....

Some thoughts on Spain...

Upon my arrival to Spain, I noticed a lot of differences from both the United States and Latin America.  Up until that point in time, the only two countries that I really had a handle on were the United States and the Dominican Republic. I was born in Boston to Dominican parents that were determined to raise me bi-culturally. Every summer, I was sent to the Dominican Republic to practice my Spanish, bond with my family, and enjoy the country. The rest of the year was spent blending my Dominican and American identities, learning how to navigate both political and social systems, and trying to fit in.

In my mind, Spain was supposed to be almost a combination of the two of these places. First, the Dominican Republic because this Caribbean country has obvious forced roots to Spain through the violent colonization and heavy influence Spain had on the Dominican Republic as well as other Latin American countries. I expected Spain to be much like the United States because of its economic and social power. I was both right and wrong. Spain very recently moved from Francisco Franco’s dictatorship in 1975, creating its current constitution in 1978. Franco’s political and social oppression maintained a very homogenous state, as he silenced any idea or movement that deviated from his agenda. In the years after the dictatorship, Spain has experienced economic successes, especially with its position in the European Union, but is also currently affected by the economic crisis hitting many countries.

Socially, Spain is still very homogenous. There are more and more LGBT groups being established and supported and in 2005, same-sex marriage was legalized. This is indicative of some progress, however, it is important to examine the ways in which LGBT issues and rights are engaged in the public and private spheres including the media, schools, and government policies.  I think this is very similar to the United States where there is still a very long road to travel before equality, in terms of sexuality, is reached. This is beyond same-sex marriage and “appeasing” certain populations. This is talking about reaching a place where there is real social, political, and economic equality.

The same can be said for the racial climate in Spain. Immigration began in the 1990s, where, like in the US, many of the immigrants went to Spain as workers and became stereotyped as such. The hyper-visible immigrants in Spain are of color and generally from Latin America and Northern Africa. It is important to realize that there is also a lot of immigration from other parts of Europe, the UK, and Ireland but since these immigrants blend more easily into the dominant population they are not as problematized as immigrants and people of color are.

People of color in Spain make up about 12% of the population. It is difficult to find data on people of color because Spain collects information based on country of origin but not in respect to racial/ethnic identity. There are many controlling images circulating around people of color and there is a lot of animosity towards these immigrant groups. Women of color that have darker skin are very hyper-sexualized and deemed prostitutes where as Asian women are also hyper-sexualized but in a way that puts them on this “sexual pedestal.” Men of color are criminalized and demonized and heavily surveilled by the state, especially the police. This is very similar to the way that racism functions within the United States. The biggest difference is that Spain is much more public and open about its racist views and practices where as the United States has made it a point to privatize and invisiblize racism.

It is perfectly acceptable for someone to make a blatantly racist comment in Spain and it will generally go unchallenged. It is more common in the United States for these racist comments to be addressed or these comments are privatized and will not be made in front of people of color. It has definitely been very interesting to see the different ways in which racism has been exhibited both towards me and in my presence. This has created a very hostile environment for me personally and on a social level between Spaniards and those who have been labeled “others” racially, and as aforementioned, through sexual orientation and gender.

Toledo, Classes, Racismo en España (pt 2)

This past weekend we went to Toledo for an overnight. It was really cool and definitely reminded me of what a stereotypical European/Spanish city would look like: narrow streets, cobblestone walk ways, teeeny tiiiiny cars. Here is a picture of some people enjoying said streets:

We did a lot of sightseeing including one of the most biggest cathedrals I've ever seen. There were so many parts to it and the paintings and murals were everywhere. It was incredibly astounding. Here is a picture from my good friend google of the cathedral: 

We walked around the city a lot and also saw one of the oldest mosques, a painting called El Greco, and some other exhibits. 

I had two of my program classes on Tuesday, sketchbook and Imaginando Las Americas. I was a little nervous for sketchbook because the class is actually getting more difficult and it's harder for me to be able to translate the things that I am seeing onto paper. Luckily, during one of our skype video chats, Kai helped me out with this one technique called crosshatch. He also showed me some of the different ways that you need to shade (according to light, etc). It was really helpful the next day in class when we had to draw things with "volume" aka make them look like they are real on paper. I'm actually really excited by the way mine turned out! Here is a picture:

Imaginando Las Americas is also turning out to be a really cool class. At first I thought that the class was going to be taught about "discovering" the Americans from the perspective of the Spanish but the professor is addressing the issue in a much more complex way (as it should be). She presented the ideas of the construction of the other and the ways in which the Native Americans are portrayed and began to ask the class why. I really wish that it was some kind of critical race theory class so we could talk about controlling images and whiteness as property and the ways in which ideas and norms are reproduced, LIKE ACTUALLY ADDRESS ALL OF THE ISSUES. But, at the very least we are skimming the surface which I guess is better than nothing. I've been trying to push the envelope in my response papers...

I've been really frustrated by the history of Spain. Thinking about my Americas class and also all of the buildings and cathedrals and palaces that we've visited... it makes me really angry. Most of these things were constructed after the 15th century aka AFTER Colombus robbed the Native Americans and all their land of all of the gold and "valuable" things they had to offer while at the same time erasing their culture and the indigenous people themselves. No one talks about this. Literally on one tour, the guide was talking about how there was no money for a time, the empire was declining a little bit and then all of a sudden Fernando e Isabel had all this cash money to do big things. Stolen money and treasures are what paved the way, what paid for the bricks and the decorations and the murals and the statues and everything yet no one seems to acknowledge all of the people that were brutalized, raped, and murdered for these "great" monuments. Yes, they are amazing and beautiful to look at but once you actually recognize where they are really coming from....

I'm excited because I think I am actually going to start working with SOS Racismo pretty soon (probably within the next week or so). Gaby Hernández and I had a good conversation about race/racism and a lot of the concepts that I learned last semester in my Critical Race Theory class. Kai and I have been having a lot of conversations about race too which have been really good. Those conversations often include gender; which I haven't really studied as much as race so it's really cool to be able to see the intersections and the ways in which different people are empowered/disempowered. I just feel like it's been a while since I've done something more concrete, especially coming out of the Wrench/Handgun work last semester. I'm really happy to see what SOS Racismo is all about and be able to better understand my position as a woman of color in Spain. It's been difficult sometimes. I'll be walking down the street or standing somewhere... a lot of people mistake me for a prostitute. Only one person has actually said something but others often make the assumption, I can just tell. A lot of women of color (especially darker women) are prostitutes in Spain so there is definitely that association with all women of color. It doesn't make it right at all. I think it will be interesting to work with the organization and learn more about the history of immigration in Spain, which in itself is a super recent issue --- mass immigration just started 20 years ago. 

Gaby and I are actually doing a collabo on a race blog (my perspective from Spain and of course hers in Amuuuuuurcah). I'll pass the link along once we get it up and running. 

All in all, things are interesting here. I'm learning a lot, getting WAY out of my comfort zone, and having some fun along the way. 

Food and More Host Fam Bam stuff!

Okay. Clearly a lot of the food en España can be really expensive but there is also this wonderful place called Museo del Jamón (that's right, HAM MUSEUM!!!!!) that you can get sandwiches, beers, wine, and more for 1 euro! Basically I ate a lunch there the other day that was 2 euros. Success. Here is a picture of this marvelous establishment:

I love my new host family and house!! I signed up for the gym down the street and basically it's a 6 month pass with access to all the equipment like a trillion classes whenever I want! Super cool.

My host mom is like the most adorable ever. She left me a note and dinner like all ready because she went out to this play tonight. Here is the note:

So adorable. And even includes a flower! So funny because her name is Flor and my last name is obvs Flores! Twiiiiiiiins.

I'm going out in a little bit to one of the clubs we went to the other day :) should be fun and tomorrow is Toledo! Woo!

New Host Fam-Bam!

I just arrived at my new host families house a few hours ago. So far, it's been really, really great. We had dinner all together and they have been really nice and accommodating. Flor gave me the keys to the house right away and told me to feel at home and relax and settle in.

This sounds really stupid but I am allowed to use the stove. In the first house, I wasn't allowed to use the stove or prepare any of my meals or anything. I felt like I was 7 again and she was always on top of me telling me to do things or not letting me do things (like wear socks in the house and go out where I want without making comments).

In any case, I am really happy. The family seems really nice and there is even a son in the house that is my age. If we get along, maybe we can take me to the hip-hop happenin' places in Madrid. Awww yeah.

Other than that, my week has been really relaxed. I had art class yesterday and I drew this palm tree that was in the tropical garden we went to go visit. It reminded my of home (in medford) and home (in DR) and also of Kai. Of course I had to put on the Juan Luis Guerra and get it in while I drew this tree. Including this song:

Here is the picture of the palm tree that I drew:

Yesterday was Lucia's birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY LUCIA!!! 22! WOO! It was really weird because that's the first birthday since I've been born that I wasn't with her. I video chatted with her and my mother for a little bit while they were getting the birthday funness ready but it was weird not being there. I miss home a lot. The new host family that I'm staying with has a really warm home. It's also nice to have siblings again (although these one could never replace T-dizzle and LucyFlo) so hopefully I'll start feeling less homesick.

Kai also said he's coming for spring break (SPRING BREAK WOO!)! So I am really excited for him to come and see Madrid (and of course be able to see him). I want to really get to know the city and the awesome things to do here before he comes so I can show him.

I was kind of really sick for the past week. Just really stuffed up and I had a cough. Today I'm feeling so much better though! I feel like I'm getting back to normal, which is nice because the program is taking us to Toledo from Friday to Saturday (woo!).

Hopefully I'll have more fun things to update then. My university classes begin next week!

El Escorial, Nights Out, and Other Adventures

Today, we visited this place called El Escorial which was a monastery built by Felipe II. It's a really interesting building because there is both a palace and a monastery but the palace is built like a monastery and the monastery is built like a palace in terms of simplicity/complexity and money spent on construction. The place itself was really beautiful, the outside looks like this (according to google images...):

The inside has a really cool layout. The rooms for the king and queen are both really simple but are also side by side next to the altar so that they could technically hear the mass being said from their beds. There was also this really cool room where if you stood in opposite corners you could talk into the wall and hear each other as if it were a telephone. There was something about the way the room was built that the sound traveled up with the curve of the ceiling and down to the other corner. 

The church itself was really, really beautiful. Here is a picture (again, from google. you couldn't take pics inside):

It was absolutely enormous and also built in a way that you could give 4 masses at the same time. There was also a really cool library with books even from the 6th century, one of the oldest copies of the Qur'an, and musical compositions. Also, very cool. Here is yet another google image:

On Thursday night, we went out to this club in the center of the city. We originally wanted to go to this salsa club so we were meeting people up in Sol, one of the neighborhoods. We ended up seeing a club promoter and instead went to this club called Moonshine. It was a lot of fun and there was a lot of dancing. Here is an example of dancing:

The club was actually really fun and surprisingly played a lot of American music including Spice Girls, Beyoncé, and this throwback 

We made a lot of friends with some of the people in Taj and Antonio's program through Middleburry College and it was fun! The next day Zulayne and I had to get up super early to go see some museums aka El Prado y La Reina Sofia. They were both really cool museums but I think I liked La Reina Sofia better because it was more contemporary and it was easier for me to interpret the paintings. The social and political and emotional messages conveyed through more contemporary paintings can be so much more powerful. The tour guide was explaining how artists these days often feel like they have more liberty and freedom of expression and artistry in order to change things up and get the audience to think about something in a different way (especially since we have movies and film to capture life in a more direct way). 

I've been having some issues with my host mom and I am going to change houses. I don't think that it will be in the center of the city any longer but ultimately the change will be for the best because I think I'll be much happier. Tomorrow I have to meetings with families so hopefully everything goes well!